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In February, the former Leeds striker revealed his sexuality, then left the game. In his first interview since the decision, explains their anger and their hopes for the future

Robbie Rogers must be brave once more on a frosty morning in east London. Even climbing the stairs to open the front door and black in her apartment takes courage - because it's so begins the next step. Once the door is opened, it will be an emotional journey back to the light bruising.

last month, Rogers told the world the truth about yourself in 408 words clear that, on its website, confirmed that: "Life is simple when his secret is out. No pain lies in the stomach at work, avoid questions of pain, suffering and finally to hide a secret so profound. "

Rogers, who represented the United States in 18 international football matches, was signed by Leeds United in January 2012. His time at the club was plagued by injuries, but played briefly for Leeds this season on loan at Stevenage. Leeds left "by mutual consent" for three months.

Rogers then became the second player in Britain gay in public. Justin Fashanu, his predecessor in solo, hanged himself in 1998 in Shoreditch, a short walk from where he lives now Rogers.

"Secrets can cause so much damage internally," Rogers wrote. "People love to preach about honesty, honesty is so clear and simple. Try to explain to your loved ones after 25 years is gay. "

Rogers, a conservative Christian family together in America, held the world at arm's length from the start. Was besieged by offers of money for interviews and contracts, as well as mobile e-mail thousands of people who started and asked how could discover the truth about themselves. Rogers rejected all the money men, but he wrote of ordinary people. Today is a big step forward for him and, as he says, "people like me."

A freezing cold day, under gray skies and heavy, Rogers is away from home. California admitted as a friend who grew up playing soccer, surfing and going to church in a sunny, he misses his family. Rogers must be strong but when it comes for the first time in public about his sexuality and everything you need to get to a point of honesty as pure as it is still alive.

inside his rented apartment, while Rogers coffee and introduced me to Jeffrey, his dog five months of age, and a close friend, he is relaxed. I must say that we had met a week earlier to discuss if and how we could talk, but Rogers admits his fear:. "He was scared when that day comes near First, it was an event I will never come. A then go out with my friends and family and then out into the world and do interviews It's like 'Oh, my God, what's next, "So last night, I was nervous -.?. excited But"

the backdrop for a professional sportsman is so difficult that usually comes feels impossible. There have been notable exceptions - Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas in Orlando Cruz Puerto Rican boxer. However, even the harsh and violent occupations are more tolerant than the tribal world of football.

is still loved by many of us, and mythologized as "the beautiful game", but football has always been a place where intolerance, greed and ignorance flourish. Rogers will become a symbol and a spokesman, but it is important to remember that more than one gay footballer pioneer, he is a man of 25, who came out of the shadow of his secret history.

"I had a very happy childhood," he said. "Very fairytale. Familia conservative Catholic. Five children.'m The middle child for [Rogers laughs] I'm supposed to be gay. California is amazing and at the same time, had a ball at his feet. Aisle We had this giant and I kick the ball up and down for hours. Loved. "

Rogers also fell in love in a way long distance relationship with Arsenal. It seems very difficult to retain Arsenal decade ago, Arsene Wenger, steel and subtlety that went undefeated through a Premier League season ended. "It's hard to be an Arsenal fan right now, but I fell in love with the beauty and toughness of this team. Had players so beautiful. Patrick Vieira was so strong he could kill someone, then burst the ball with his chest and press the dink a pass with such art. When we played in the streets of my team was always Arsenal. "

middle of sunny days and football, with Rogers is talented enough to make national youth teams ages 14 and older, conflicting emotions displayed inside.

"I started to feel very different, and it was a case of" OK, I'm good at football and I would like to draw the attention of girls. Why not me? What is wrong with me? "I realized I was gay when I was 14 or 15 years. I was like, 'I want to play football. Football but not gay. What should I do?

"It feels so marginalized. Simply could not tell anyone because school is brutal States. "Re going through puberty and children can be cruel. I was lucky my older sisters were cool people and I was the kind of football. All these things it is easier for me to hide. But it was also difficult. There are girls who come to you and you're like, "Damn, it would be easier if there was much interested t and I could just play football." I said. ' I can not go out because I practice today or tomorrow's game "

bound Rogers out with girls as a way to appear "normal"? "Yeah .. Of course, I tried to change me now I want girls beautiful, intelligent, surprising - ... If I was right I could go crazy Some of them are still my friends"

After a year in the Dutch club Heerenveen, Rogers noted in his return to the United States, where the Columbus Crew, helped his team win the MLS Cup in 2008. "We won the trophy in Los Angeles, in front of my family with this incredible team. Then we went to a bar and I was like, 'I'd be so happy now ... But I left after a few drinks and I sat on my own in my room, thinking, "OK." 'm gay. But I can not go out because I love football so much. What should I do? The more successful you become the harder it is to step back. "

In England, Rogers became very aware of the impossibility of being publicly gay footballer. It was established and covers international final was won with J?rgen Klinsmann - whose first game in charge ended in a draw against Mexico after an equalizer Rogers

But he realized the bitter truth: "Football is obviously impossible to leave - because nobody did, it's crazy and sad, I thought." Why do not I get away and face .. this and my family and be happy Imagine going to training every day and be in the spotlight was a bit of a circus anyway -? .. But it was crazy and did not have much control because the clubs go in different directions

"I was afraid, I was afraid that my friends would react Is it going to change Although it would still be the same person that would change the way they acted towards me - ..? When we were in the locker room or bus "

In any professional sport, dressing "jokes" in the euphemistic phrase can be cruel. "Especially football," said Rogers. How did you react when homophobic jokes were made - even if his teammates were strangers to their sexuality? "There were different emotions. Sometimes I feel bad for them. Sometimes I laugh because it was a bit funny. Sometimes I malicious.

"That's when I would get this horrible feeling in my stomach that would head and try to talk about other things that often do not mean what they say, it is the pack mentality - ... They try to make people laugh, trying to be the top guys, but brutal, it's like high school again - on steroids ... "

Rogers speaks warmly of individual players. "They are amazing people, really. Footballers are very interesting and professionals from all walks of life. They have great stories when you get away from jokes and backpack. Really can open. To become a footballer professional does something special for you. need this unity, this hunger. "

However, there is something sick in the heart of professional football - personified by its attitude towards homosexuality. "Football is a great sport," said Rogers. "But this is a brutal sport that includes people and hit them in the head. Adding the aspect gay does not make a great cocktail. "

What would have happened if Rogers still played for Leeds when he left? "It would have been interesting," he said wryly. "I do not think I could go to training the next day. It would be so scary. Could Guys say:" This is great, Robbie. Perhaps, but because nobody has done and the things I heard in the locker room just thought: '.. I must get out of this - my ad, find peace, from there "So I can not imagine announcing Leeds. "

could have come while playing for Columbus in the United States? "No, no club -. Anywhere"

And yet in this country, if he played for Leeds and Millwall were far from today? "Wow!" Rogers exclaims. "I can not even think about it."

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