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A story about Ashley Young, who is so young, he 's called "Young', is even younger than Andre Villas-Boas, 33, and has never WORKED for Jose Mourinho

While the assumption that the only football history in the city that is new Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas, 33, and used to be forgiven for Jose Mourinho but doesn 't more the fact, work that new Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas is 33 and used to be for Jose Mourinho but doesn 't work anymore in fact not the only story in town.

Oh no.

In fact, during Villas Boas, 33, etc and so forth was Fielding monotonously predictable questions about his young age and previous employers that exactly 200.3 miles was away at Old Trafford, were medical personnel snatch warmed up her rubber gloves and their Littmann Stethoscopes Master in preparation for Ashley Young 's medical before joining Manchester United.

Boy 's transfer fee of ? 15 million, coincidentally ? 1.8m to pay more than Chelsea after Porto, which had been the release clause in the Treaty of Villas-Boas, or ? 834.49 for each day cause younger boy as a young Villas-Boas, 33 (and yes, of course, we 're also the additional days in the years 1980 and 1984 were leap years).

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Page 10 stunna Marina Hyde and warns all that the next generation of super-villains beware Fifa.

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NO, IT WASN'T EMILY MAITLIS. OR KIRSTY WARK FOR THAT MATTER. BUT WE WERE IMPRESSED